Ms. Di’s House & Property
Please be mindful that The Society Dungeon and Studio are play spaces located on privately owned property. These spaces should be treated with the utmost care and respect. Ms. Di’s house, also located on the property, is off-limits unless you have been given direct permission to enter the residence by Ms. Di, a board member, or Red Band.
Red Bands
The Society uses the term Red Bands (RB) instead of Dungeon Monitor. RBs at each party will have a red band around their left arm/wrist. They are there to enforce the rules, answer questions, and provide help. If you are feeling harassed or intimidated by anyone, please let a RB know immediately so that we may assist.
Dungeon and Studio Information
If you break it, you bought it. Please let a Red Band or Ms. Di know immediately if you have broken something. Failure to notify someone or assume responsibility for breaking something may result in your being banned from The Society.
There are playstations located inside the Dungeon and Studio. Both spaces have stations arranged for certain types of play, while the Studio provides a large, open, carpeted play space. The Studio is appropriate for rope, suspension, impact, and primal/rough body play. If you have any questions about where a particular scene should be held or if you need help moving furniture into the Studio for a scene, please ask a RB for assistance.
A medical themed room is available for play. It is located inside the Dungeon. Supplies found within the medical room may only be used with Ms. Di’s direct permission. If you would like to use something in the medical room or have an interest in purchasing medical supplies, such as needles, ask either Ms. Di or a Red Band for more information.
The lounge/aftercare room and kitchen are located inside the Dungeon and are social areas that are exempt of all play. These areas are a safe place for people to talk, eat, and drink. You may also use these areas as a safe place to go if you find yourself uncomfortable with a scene.
The outdoor pavilion is appropriate for congregation, conversation, smoking, eating, etc. It may also be used for prearranged messy play. If you have questions about an outdoor scene, please ask Ms. Di or a RB.
Privacy Policy
What happens at the Dungeon/Studio stays here. We do NOT post anything to any online forum that will identify someone without their direct permission. The identity of the host, all participants, and the location of the events are to be kept completely confidential. Everyone who participates in our events is entitled to their privacy. Asking about personal information, including through a third party, (their real name, place of work, where they live, etc.) is considered inappropriate. Outing someone in any manner is bad form and may result in the outer being banned from The Society.
Dress Code
Dungeon/Studio dress for parties is generally mild to wild. You may wear casual vanilla clothing, fetish wear, or anything in between. Nudity is allowed, but you will be required to use a barrier such as a puppy pad when sitting on any surfaces. Costume themed parties are meant to be fun and inexpensive.
Dinner/Lunch/Whips in the Park are VANILLA CASUAL. Please do not show up in fetish wear at restaurants or in non-lifestyle public places. Game night is also a vanilla casual setting, but please feel free to show up in your pajamas.
Hygiene
Stinky is not sexy!! Come to the party clean, wearing clean clothes, use deodorant, brush your teeth. Please don’t swim in perfume.
Alcohol, Smoking, Illegal Substances, Firearms, Solicitation
Alcohol is allowed (BYOB) at the Play Parties. Attendees must be 21 years of age to drink any alcoholic substances. Drinking and playing is absolutely NOT allowed and if we catch you drinking and playing you’ll be asked to leave. Save the cocktails for the end of the night.
All smoking (including tobacco products, tobacco-free products, vaping, etc.) is OUTSIDE ONLY. Do NOT stand in the doorways of buildings to smoke or congregate close to the doors while smoking.
Illegal substances are prohibited everywhere on The Society grounds. If you are caught with illegal substances, you will be banned from The Society.
Solicitation is not permitted at parties or within the group in general. Asking for money or gifts for sex or play is grounds for being banned from The Society.
Protocol & Titles
The Society keeps a relaxed and casual atmosphere. Titles are not required at any Society events unless it is a designated High Protocol event. Submissives are not required to call you ‘Sir,’ ‘Mistress,’ or any other titles. Submissives are not required to submit to all dominants. Do NOT expect a submissive to submit to you simply because they are wearing a collar and/or are submissive. Just because someone is dominant/submissive, it does not mean you have the authority to treat them as such.
While protocol is not required at events, some people have protocols within their relationship that dictate their behavior at parties or in public. These protocols are not meant as a slight to you. If you don’t like their protocol, walk away.
Basic Rules for Respect
- Please keep cell phones on vibrate or silent. Please take phone calls outside to avoid interrupting others.
- Do NOT take photos without the direct permission of all parties involved (this includes those standing in the background of the photos). Doing so without consent is considered a privacy violation and will not be tolerated.
- Do NOT touch what doesn’t belong to you. Touching includes people, toys, collars, cuffs, apparel, etc. Touching also includes people/items during a scene. NEVER touch a Top or bottom during a scene unless you have been given explicit permission before the scene.
- Respect the designated areas. Limit rowdy behavior, loud conversations, etc. to the lounge area, kitchen, or outdoor spaces. Do not congregate in areas of the Dungeon or Studio reserved for play even when no one is currently playing in the space.
- When attending an educational/presentation, please remember that questions are encouraged but should be presented respectfully at appointed times or with a raised hand.
- Remember that it is okay to disagree with something a presenter says; however, it is not appropriate to voice your opinion or concern in the middle of a presentation. If you feel strongly that a presenter has said or done something incorrectly, please approach them afterward to discuss how you feel or contact a RB.
- The Society is an inclusive community. A person should always be treated with respect no matter their orientation or relationship status. Treat others as you expect to be treated.
- Be tolerant of the things you did not expect. There will likely be a variety of kinks, play, and people at the party. All deserve common courtesy. If you are uncomfortable, unnerved, disgusted, or squeamish with what is happening with a scene, it is your responsibility to walk away.
- Honesty and confidentiality are highly valued in the lifestyle. Lying, whether about your experience level, marital status, risk factors, or anything else is heavily frowned upon and may result in your being banned from the group.
Dungeon Safewords
The Society uses standard safewords and signals for scenes; however, you are permitted to use different safewords in your play. Safewords are required for all play, including CNC scenes. A Top or submissive has the right to use a safeword at any moment during a scene. If either is heard screaming RED and the scene hasn’t ended, a RB will step in immediately to end the scene. To avoid scene interruption, advise a RB if you are using any word other than RED as your ultimate safeword.
- Yellow– Can mean “too much,” “slow down,” “something is wrong, but I don’t want to stop the scene,” or “this isn’t working for me.” When Yellow has been called, a check-in should be done and the scene adjusted accordingly.
- Red– “Something is VERY wrong” or “STOP everything NOW!” When Red has been called, the scene stops immediately, and a check-in needs to be done.
- Mayday– This word should be used immediately if a Top or bottom needs outside assistance (such as holding up a person being suspended during a crisis, someone has had a medical emergency, etc.) Regardless of your safeword, ‘Mayday’ will always bring someone running. If you hear ‘Mayday’ called, stop what you are doing immediately and see if you can offer assistance.
- Hand signals– For bottoms who are gagged or otherwise unable to speak, hand signals may be used to indicate color. Two thumbs up is green, one thumbs up is yellow and jazz hands (fingers spread and wave them) is red.
- Two Squeezes– If movement of hands is also restricted in addition to being gagged, this can be used by the Top or RB to check on the bottom’s well-being. The signal should be answered by a returned two squeezes. If it is not answered, stop immediately and offer assistance to the bottom.
Play Space and Scene Basic Rules
- Watching and learning are both encouraged! Watching is a great way to discover new things you may be interested in exploring. When you are observing a scene use your eyes and ears only, not your hands or mouth. If someone is doing something that isn’t your thing, eye rolling or making comments to that effect are inappropriate. It is your responsibility to leave the area. Please feel comfortable to watch and approach RBs with questions. You may also approach the scene participants AFTER the scene and aftercare have concluded with any questions you may have.
- Sex is not permitted at play parties unless it’s in the context of a bdsm scene. If you aren’t sure please ask!
- The toys and furniture found throughout the Dungeon and Studio are from Ms. Di’s personal collection. You may use any of the Dungeon toys, but please ask a RB or Ms. Di for permission before using them. If you break something, let a RB know immediately. Please ask for help if you need to move any furniture or equipment, as the vinyl on some furniture is easy to tear.
- Edgeplay is allowed; however, it should only be done by experienced players. RBs and Ms. Di must be notified BEFORE the start of the scene. Edge play can be defined as anything outside the normal range of play for YOU. This means something that pushes your personal limits as a Top or bottom or something that is considered to have more risk associated with it. Examples include Consensual Non Consent (CNC), blood play, breath play, venom play, needle play, etc.
- Messy play is play that is likely to require significant clean-up or involves bodily fluids. This type of play includes splooshing, piss play, wax play, blood play, etc. Plastic is available and should be used to cover the furniture and flooring. Some messy play, like piss play, may not be allowed inside the Dungeon or Studio. Ask a RB for direction to an appropriate location for messy scenes BEFORE starting the scene. Scat play is not allowed.
- Gag loud bottoms. The neighbors are not close, but there ARE neighbors. We don’t need the police coming down because a neighbor thinks someone is being raped and murdered.
- Unless you hear the word ‘Mayday,’ NEVER INTERRUPT A SCENE! Again, if you are bothered by something, walk away. If you feel that something you see is extreme, risky, or in no way consensual to you, please speak with Ms. Di or a RB. If corrective action is needed, a RB will see to the responsibility.
- Do not join a scene, even if it looks like they are free-for-alls. While a scene might look as if lots of people are joining in the pleasure/play, it may have been pre-arranged through negotiation. You should never ask to, or attempt to enter a scene in progress.
- Please make sure to leave space for Tops to move, swing a flogger, etc. during a scene. If the room is too crowded, please stand against the far wall or leave the room. If the Top asks you to move, you must move. Tops need to pay attention to their backswing and make sure they have adequate space to play in.
- Be quiet as scenes are taking place or go to a social area to chat. Do not address comments or questions to the Top or bottom while a scene is taking place or during aftercare.
- Do not touch a bottom during or immediately after a scene. The Top is responsible for the bottom’s emotional and physical well-being for the entirety of their play, including aftercare. If you wish to help by asking if the bottom needs a blanket or drink, address the Top, not the bottom.
- Let the compliments fly, but only after everyone has recovered. If you notice a particular top or bottom, telling them what you liked about their scene is usually well-received and appreciated. Asking interesting how-to questions is a great way to gain friends and experience!
- NEVER abandon a submissive during a scene. If you must step away from a submission for an emergency issue, you must engage a RB to stay with your submissive and ensure their safety.
- Play at your own level! If at any time you feel that you are in over your head as a Top or bottom, use your safewords!
- If you are trying something new for the first time, you are encouraged to engage a mentor/monitor or RB for the duration of the scene.
- Never bring another person into your scene unless you have negotiated this with your bottom before the scene begins.
- Stop play immediately if blood becomes visible (this excludes blood play that has been pre-arranged with Ms. Di or a RB). The bleeding areas need to be covered before play can continue.
- Clean all furniture and areas used in your play before leaving. Pick up your toys following a scene so that someone else can use the play area. Furniture needs to be wiped down after use. Cleaning products can be found in the pass thru or kitchen area. If you have any questions about cleaning or supplies, please ask a RB.
Consent, Negotiation and Harassment
- At our events, consent is either enthusiastic consent or you do not have consent. Enthusiastic consent sounds like “Yes!”. If you receive anything other than a clear and enthusiastic “Yes!”, we ask you to take that as a “No”. Something like “Maybe later” generally means “No”.
- Don’t be afraid to say “No”. It is not rude. It is in fact respectful to be clear and honest. Practice saying “No thank you”. Be respectful when saying “No” and respectful when hearing “No”. We are all adults and are responsible for stating and enforcing our boundaries.
- Consent can be revoked at any time, by any party involved in a scene. When you test your limits, sometimes you find them and you have to take a step back. Do not be shy to revoke your consent or speak your safeword if you need to.
- Do not touch anyone without their explicit consent. Even a touch on the shoulder to try to get someone’s attention can feel intrusive or aggressive, so try to get their attention verbally first. Even if someone said yes the last time, ask if you can touch them again this time.If you are comfortable with someone, you can give them blanket consent to hug, kiss, grope, etc.
- Careful and complete negotiations should occur before starting a scene. It is considered bad form to try and re-negotiate during a scene. If something needs to be adjusted during the scene or you have become uncomfortable or upset with something that is happening, please remember to use the safeword ‘yellow’ and check-in.
- Sparse negotiation can lead to misunderstandings. Be sure to be specific in what you want or do not want. You are responsible for communicating your boundaries and stating your own needs.
- Be mindful of creeping people out. If a person says no, seems uninterested in conversing or playing with you, move along to someone who is. Do not come onto others verbally or physically.
- We strive for an atmosphere that creates a sense of security. If someone is persistent after you have declined their invitation or is creeping you out, please let a RB know about the situation so it may be taken care of.
- If you are new to negotiating a scene or are unsure of what a negotiation should include, please speak with a RB or have someone you trust be present for the negotiation.
Questions??? Do you still have questions or concerns about etiquette, protocol, or anything else? Let us know by sending your questions to Ms. Di, a board member, or a Red Band. We are happy to help!