If reading social cues doesn’t come naturally, you’re not alone. It can be tricky to know when someone is open to play or just being friendly. Here are some practical, clear indicators and tips to help you figure out when it’s okay to ask—and how to do it respectfully.
✅ Good Signs It Might Be Okay to Ask:
- You’ve been chatting for a while and the conversation feels mutual—not one-sided.
- The person is giving you their full attention (not scanning the room, half-watching a scene, etc.).
- They’ve mentioned enjoying a type of play you’re interested in.
- They seem relaxed and responsive, asking questions or sharing things back.
- You’re at a social part of the event (not during a scene, aftercare, or a demo).
❌ Signs It’s Not the Right Time to Ask:
- They give short or distracted answers.
- They’re watching a scene closely or prepping for one.
- They’re mid-conversation with someone else.
- They seem uncomfortable, closed off, or busy (arms crossed, not facing you, avoiding eye contact).
- They’ve already said “maybe later” or “not tonight.”
🗣️ A Simple Script You Can Use:
“Hey, I’m really enjoying our conversation and I’m interested in [flogging/rope/etc.]. Would you be open to talking about trying a little of that with me tonight? Totally okay if not!”
This tells them:
- What you’re interested in.
- That you’re open to a “no.”
- That you’re aware and respectful of boundaries.
🛑 If They Say “No” or “Maybe Later”:
You did great. You asked clearly, respectfully, and gave them an out. Whether they say yes or no, you’ve already shown you’re a safe, respectful person to play with. That matters a lot.
🧩 Bonus Tip: Check With a Host or Dungeon Monitor
If you’re really not sure and feel nervous, it’s completely okay to ask a dungeon monitor, event host, or someone you know and trust:
“Hey, I’m interested in asking [Name] about trying X—do you think now would be a good time?”
We want you to feel confident and included. Asking for social support is a strength.